Day 15 - Outsourcing

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It's been about 2 months since I have been trying my hardest to get all of last year's business transactions into QuickBooks.  I have been stressing over trying to get it done by the end of March in time to do our taxes but it has not happened yet.  Today I decided that I will just give the accountant of my husband's partnership business a call.  I'm SO glad I did!

Explore (Think and feel)

She was so kind, patient, understanding, and motherly to me!  Despite her huge tax deadline and all the work that she has to do by then, she made me feel like everything is going to be okay.  She made me feel like I was the only client important to her at that moment.  She even offered to help train me in QuickBooks and told me that we will file an extension and try to get our return filed in May.  What a great feeling it was for me!  ... A huge burden lifted off my shoulders!

Share (Thoughts)

So where is my passion in this event?  I discovered my passion when I was able to let go of handling our income and expenses (as if I knew how!) and pass that job on to someone trained and more knowledgeable.  It is all about outsourcing.  That's why it exists!  We pass on work to others where their strengths make up for our weaknesses.  I thought I could do it all myself... I thought I was adequately trained.  I totally thought wrong!

Day 14 - "Just do it!"

Discover

It is slowly hitting me... I do not take much initiative with my life.  Thus, I have not gotten very far.

Explore (Think and feel)

This is the reason I think and feel I have no passion in life.  I "sit and wait" for something magical to happen.  When it does, I get excited about it for a day or two, and then the excitement fades.  It's like lighting a match and not getting to the campfire in time to make a big flame -- the flame on the little match gets blown out.

This is the reason why I feel complacent in life.  When I take a step outside of myself to look at how I have lived my life overall, I see that all I have ever done was whatever was expected of me.  I never took a step beyond the expected.  I did a Google search on "how to take initiative" and found this cool blog post by Decker Marketing that talks about taking "initiative outside your triangle."  It was very helpful to see a visual representation of an intangible idea.

Share (Thoughts)

So far my daily blogging assignments has turned into once-a-week assignments (mostly because I am so busy with so many things at once), but I am still committed to keeping up with my posts even if it's once in a while to at least see my progress.  Now that I have come to realize that my lack of initiative is a big part of my lack of passion, I am once again feeling empowered to take on anything that comes my way.  I feel empowered to start a ballroom dancing fellowship group at my church and volunteer my time to a non-profit organization like the March of Dimes.  My outlook on life is slowly evolving from being negative to a positive one and I am enjoying this journey.

Day 13 - "The Lazy Bug"

Do you have it?  How do you get rid of it?

Day 12 - Toddlers

[Okay, so I'm cheating my daily posts by posting more than one post today... but I need to catch up and I'm just in the blogging spirit right now so let me be. :)]

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Last night we shot a wedding of a couple in their late 30's.  Their reception was swarming with so many little kids!  It was the greatest thing, ever!  When the reception starting winding down, the adults gathered their things and chatted with friends before saying goodbye while the toddlers and other kids played chase master with one another in the dining hall.  There was a lot of screaming, running around, laughter, and little giggles everywhere!

Explore (Think and feel)

It Totally warms my heart to see these little kids running around with other kids they just met that day and be so carefree.  It warms my heart even More when I am caught in the middle of all this good "madness."  I feel so happy to see them having the greatest time in their life!  There was one little kid -- maybe around three or four-years-old -- who was the "monster" chasing all the other kids, including my husband and me!  It was so much fun to be a part of their little game.  I felt alive!  I felt so much joy!  I couldn't help myself but laugh with the kids being chased.  I could not wipe off the huge grin on my face.  It was just ecstatic!

Why do I love kids so much?  For those very reasons: they love everyone, they know how to have fun, and they have a carefree spirit.  One kid who was getting chased in the chase master game vomited on the dining room floor from running around too much after eating and he didn't care.  He just stood there with his vomit in front of him until his mom came to take care of him.  Their pure innocence is such a beautiful characteristic and I am in love with that.

Share (Thoughts)

I've worked with many many kids in the past 8 years -- from 2-year-olds to teenagers.  Their innocence is the reason why I wanted to work with them; and to learn their behaviors and protect them from "growing up".  (After 8 years, however, I've learned that I cannot protect them because the child's parent or guardian has the most influence over them to either change them or keep them the way they are.)  I've always said that three-year-olds are my favorite age group to work with and watch them find their way in life.  Generally speaking, it is the age where they learn to look outwardly in life -- to share with others -- and have a profound curiosity of their surroundings.  They, along with many other young children, are one of the main inspirations in my life.  Children are definitely a precious gift from God and I thank Him so much for them.

Day 11 - "Revolutionary Road"

** WARNING: LONG POST! **

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First of all, I've been naughty and haven't been keeping up with my blog posts. I think, more importantly, I've sunk back down into my daily routine such that I haven't done anything exciting with my life since my last post. And that's just terrible.

But today is another fresh start. I just saw the movie Revolutionary Road and it was a bit scary yet comforting how it parallels my life -- particularly the character that DiCaprio played. I must say that it was an inspiring movie to a certain degree. When I heard Kate Winslet's character say to her husband, "Let's move to Paris... and I'll get a governmental secretary job... and you can be free to find out whatever it is you want to do...", that triggered something within me -- my passion to find my passion.

In the midst of all that despair in the movie, the positive and energetic spirit and words of Winslet's character to her husband reminded me of how Anything is possible. We may be bogged down by responsibilities and such, but ultimately it should be our choice and our decision to do what WE want to do with our life. If it means quitting a mundane day job that has all the wonderful benefits (e.g., high pay, good health insurance, social security, retirement funds, paid vacation, etc.) to do something we Love to do even though it may not have those benefits, then we should quit the job. Sure, it is a Big Risk and doesn't sound practical, but like Muhammad Ali once said, “He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life.” And doing something we Love and have a passion for means really living life.

Explore (Think and feel)

Since watching this movie, I am inspired once again to continue my search within myself for my passion in life. I am once again, filled with positive energy and a willing spirit to give any opportunity a try before saying "I don't like it." It is very hard to keep this open mindset and positive feeling everyday so I really have to give it 150% if I want to change my life around. I feel, though, that if I keep it up, I will get somewhere. I will have made some kind of difference with my life. If I die without still having found my passion, at least I will have died trying.

Share (Thoughts)

Even though I haven't been posting, I've done a lot of soul searching within the past week. I know that I am being vulnerable by posting my whole being in a place that many strangers can read about me, but it is my hope that someone out there can relate to what I am going through and maybe find some inspiration through me.

So anyway.. about my soul searching, I've thought a lot about how I grew up and how it has affected me. I grew up in a very restrictive household environment where everything I did was somehow controlled by my elders (parents included). Whatever I wanted to do that I thought was fun was put down and denied, as far as I can remember. Only now in my adulthood do I realize that it was not a healthy childhood. I lived far away from my friends from school and could not play with them after school because my overly protective father wanted to take me home to make sure I got home safely. To him that was more important than my well-being of having free-play time with my friends. With no friends to play with, the TV became my baby-sitter. So I grew up in this type of environment all alone, controlled by what other people tell me what to do, and constantly seeking approval to do something by those around me because I couldn't think for myself to say if it was okay to do or not. Now that I am fully aware of this, what will I do about it? I need to find that inner strength deep inside myself to break out of this terrible cycle -- to be able to think for myself if I approve of it or not, and why.

This is my old way of life: a way of life that doesn't think; a way of life that has No life. It's like walking through a greenhouse garden full of beautiful, colorful and fragrant flowers when all you want to do is head straight for the exit door.  So how does the movie fit into all this?  Like the saying goes, "take the time to smell the roses" and "live life to the fullest."  Otherwise, what's the point in living if you aren't going to take the risk and move to Paris?

Day 10 - Think for Yourself

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I do not think for myself as much as I really should.  I've done some reflecting on recent situations in my life and wondered if I had made the right decisions.  I doubted myself.  I still don't know whether I made the right decision...

Explore (Think and feel)

I came to the discovery and conclusion that the reason I seem to always doubt myself is because I do not think for myself -- I often let other people's words determine what will happen with my life.  I let life pass me by without stopping to think and figuring out, "Where do I stand in this situation?"  It is a scary position to be in.  It is also a disturbing position because I am floating around aimlessly and I can never put my foot down.

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After 20+ years of living, I finally fully realized that this is a BIG PROBLEM in my life.  So how do I fix the situation?  I Googled "How to think for yourself" and found the WikiHow website with some helpful tips:

• "Immerse yourself in artistic/creative outlets. Write a song or poem. Draw a picture. Build or cook something from scratch. Valuing your own creativity is a key step on the road to independent thought.
• Avoid one sided systems such as political parties. Associating yourself with groups that do not actively question their goals and objectives, or consider opposing views, will in the long run close your mind, rather than open it. You should be able to adapt yourself to any perspective—not limit yourself to a single one. Belonging to a stagnant thinking group may invoke in people of average intelligence—a "group mentality".
• If you don't agree with a particular "law", or "rule", then DO NOT FOLLOW IT! The consequences are probably worth the peace of mind that you get knowing that you stood up for yourself. Keep in mind that YOU only get ONE life. If you spend your life following orders, you'll follow them right to your grave."

I found the last two tips to be especially thought provoking.  Realizing that not being able to think for myself is the big problem in my life, I believe that that may be the reason for not finding my passion(s) in life.  So now, my quest to find my passion in life is being refocused to being able to turn on my brain, question things around me, and being brave to stand up for MY OWN decisions no matter what someone else may think of me.

Day 9 - Part of Something BIG

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Last night I had the opportunity to take photos at a resume workshop for the College of Business and Economics (CoBE) at UH Hilo.  That was an exciting time even though I was an unofficial photographer!  My professor only asked me several hours before the workshop started if I would be willing to bring my camera and take photos. It took me a while until I gave in to the idea.  I thought that it would be a great opportunity to try something different and on my own to see if I really like it.  And I did.

Explore (Think and feel)

What did I like about it?  I liked the feeling that I was helping out the CoBE on a larger scale.  It wasn't just taking photographs.  It was the idea of taking photographs and then being able to send a selected amount of photos to someone in the UH system who could use it to promote the school... or simply even just to share the news with others.  It was a great feeling!  ... Even though I know my photography skills aren't that great.

... I was thinking about it some more and I just realized that I am more of a project-oriented person.  This "unofficial" photoshoot was like a small project to me.  It did not feel like work, although it could very well have been considered work.  I think I like projects because there are these mini deadlines that help me get to the final deadline -- again kind of like a big puzzle.

Share (Thoughts)

The best thing that I liked about being the event photographer last night was being able to help promote an event in some way.  I cannot emphasize how much good feelings I had last night.  Maybe I can be a photojournalist.  Maybe I can be a promoter of some kind.  Maybe get into the field of marketing or communication.  I think I may have narrowed my choices of industries to work in.  :)

Day 8 - Puzzles

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Building on my last post, I though I would mention that I love puzzles!  I think I love rearranging furniture and objects because it's like a big puzzle. Will this couch fit there? Will that lamp look best there? I grew up doing a lot of puzzles and now it's ingrained in me. When I try to figure something out with tangible things, it becomes one BIG puzzle and I can't help but try to put the pieces together!

Explore (Think and feel)

Why do I like puzzles so much?  I'm not quite sure... maybe it's because once all the pieces are in place, I get to see the whole picture, and seeing the whole picture makes me feel really good.  It makes me feel like I've accomplished so much.  It also makes me feel good when things have found a home.  When things don't have a home, then I feel like "my screen is fuzzy" and I have to do something about it.

Share (Thoughts)

This was one of the reasons I thought I may do well in interior decorating, but I know that that's only a small part to being an interior decorator.  Being an interior decorator involves creativity with fabrics, patterns, etc.  I don't think I have developed that quite yet.

Being a puzzle addict is not always fun, though, because it feels like a lot of thinking and not enough feeling.  There must be something I do well in the feeling area.  What is it?  I will keep searching...

Day 7 - Job searching

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It's been a long, arduous and tiring day.  I felt completely drained by 8 p.m. and tried to think of something I discovered today so that I can blog about it, but.... nothing.  But I have been pondering about some things.  I'm working on updating my resume at the moment and thought about that time when I held a job as an office manager.  What did I like about it?

Back in the day I did not have as good of a positive attitude as I may have now so at that time everything seemed to be "blah" although I was good at managing the office.  Looking back at it today, I really did not have any passion in being the office manager.  What I did enjoy about the job was organizing and maintaining the filing cabinet.  I especially enjoyed being able to choose a new wall color and trim color, and rearrange the office furniture and equipment around for better workflow.  Basically, I enjoyed decorating the office and sprucing it up to date.  When furniture and equipment are in the right place, I feel really good.  I feel like all the pieces of the puzzle are put together and nothing sticks out.

So, handling paperwork... although I may be good at it, it's not really a passion for me.  I don't get entirely excited about processing paperwork.  At first I wondered if it was just laziness, but thinking about it more, it really is just mundane with nothing to get excited about.  Now if the paperwork was to process a vacation trip package or a brand new computer, then it gets exciting!

Day 6 - Connect what?!

Discover

I have not officially taken the Meyer's-Briggs personality indicator, but I believe that I am an ISFJ type.  ISFJ's have a difficult time comprehending abstract ideas and theories and it is proving to be one of my strongest weaknesses.

Explore (Think and feel)

I am given a writing assignment for my marketing class to do a presentation on a current event and relate it to the topics discussed in the chapter.  It feels like a chore!  I understand the current event.  I understand the chapter.  But my brain cannot translate the two together into words.  And it's frustrating.

Share (Thoughts)

Tangible examples.  Stories.  Hands-on application.  All these strategies work best for me.

Day 5 - Hairstyles

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I just came home from watching the movie Twilight and couldn't help but blog about another discovery -- one that I had made prior to the creation of this blog -- hairstyles.  I love Alice Cullen's (actress Ashley Green) hair style which is similar to Daphne Millbrook's (actress Brea Grant) hair style on the TV series Heroes.

Explore (Think and feel)

I love how their hair styles are short, sassy, piecey and playful.  I feel like a little girl when I see it!

Share (Thoughts)

I would love to have my own hair look like these celebrities'.  I wonder what I would look like..... I think that it would definitely change the way I feel about myself, for sure!

Day 4 - The Power of Music

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The iPod.  What a wonderful little electronic gadget!  This was my inspiration for the day.  It all started when my husband wanted to buy music off iTunes and encouraged me to buy music for myself.  I thought, "Hey, that's a Great idea!"  So I bought a few songs that I've been wanting to have in my library for the longest time but my brain never registered to go on iTunes to buy them!  Here are the songs I bought:

• "Sweetly Broken" by Jeremy Riddle
• "Everything" by Michael Buble
• "Bubbly" by Colbie Caillat

Explore (Think and feel)

What was it about these songs that I bought and the list of songs on my iPod that inspire me?  They all have really good replay value.  So what is my definition of "good replay value"?  It is somewhat a combination of:

• Positive messages (vocal songs) and happy feelings;
  
• Sometimes syncopated rhythms;
• A musical climax; and
• An artist that performs with passion.

It's been such a long time since I bought music for myself that I had forgotten how it good it feels to listen to the music that I love.

Share (Thoughts)

It is the end of the week and I applaud myself for blogging everyday, even though it's only been four days.  For me, that is a big accomplishment and it shows how dedicated I am to this ongoing lifelong project of discovering, exploring, sharing and eventually changing the way I live.

As I listened to the songs on my iPod, I was thinking about this blog post and how this discovery affects me.  Then it hit me!  Music is a powerful thing!  The idea is not new to me but in this discovery stage, music has a new meaning in my life.  I've decided that from this day, I need to include more music of artists that I love into my life.  I need to surround myself with things that I love and the way I can start is by listening to at least one song everyday that I enjoy -- but it shouldn't stop there.  I also need to explore more music so that I can build my library.  Thank you Apple, Inc. for being a fabulous company that makes it so easy for us to access a huge library of music!

Tomorrow is a new day.  I will build upon this.  What will I discover next about myself?

Day 3 - Recital Planning

Discover

Today I've decided to write about what I am most excited about in my piano teaching career.  I must say that the most exciting thing in my teaching career is planning for recitals and then holding the event.

Explore (Think and feel)

Why am I excited about planning recitals?  What is it about planning recitals that I get excited about?  I find that there are several reasons:

• the opportunity for my students to share what they are learning and have learned to the public;
• the end result;
• the feeling of pride when the audience applauds knowing that their hard work paid off; and I think most especially
• it is that wonderful feeling of pressure from the audience to do well.
  

During my college days, I had to perform in front of an audience as part of my curriculum and I never thought I would love it so much!  My piano professor personally told me that I work best under pressure and that is so true.

Share (Thoughts)

The excitement I get from planning recitals gave me the idea of becoming an event planner.  I don't know how the market for an event planner is in my little town but I am sure that it is one field that cannot be replaced by technology.  Just thinking about planning for some big event such as a conference, a trade show, a guest speaker gets me a bit pumped up.  Knowing and feeling that I am helping out and being part of something very BIG and important is such a good feeling.

Day 2 - Fresh Homemade Italian Bread

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Tonight my husband and I went out with some friends to an authentic Italian restaurant (Cafe Concerto) for some good food, good wine, and good company.  We started with a caprese salad and had a 4-cheese ravioli and penne pesto pasta for our main course.  Along with the main course came this Amazing hot and fresh out of the oven homemade bread.  We've eaten here once before and I had forgotten how much I loved eating this bread.  It is like one I never had anywhere else.

Explore (think and feel)

So what did I think of this bread?  By the appearance of it, the bread looked a bit lanky because the chef cut a long strip from a flat square sheet of bread.  Presentation wasn't the greatest but when I took a bite of it, I felt Real good. For one thing, I loved how it was hot, fresh, and light (light as in "I could eat a lot of it and not be full"). I felt good knowing that it came straight from the oven and that the chef himself served it to us. I also loved how it was soft and warm on the inside despite how flat the bread was.  And I loved how flour covered the bread and how, when I bit into it, there was just the right amount of salt to flavor it.  The bread made a nice compliment to our dishes but I could also just eat it alone and be 100% completely satisfied.  I wish I could take some of that bread home with me...

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I just decided that it is too early to formulate something to write in this section so I will summarize my thoughts on my daily discoveries at the end of the week.

Day 1 - Ready, Set, Go!

Today is a new beginning.

Today I am inspired by the great successful people who surround me to do something extraordinary with my life. Some of these great successful people are my husband; famous wedding photographers Elizabeth Messina, Joe Buissink, and Jerry Ghionis; and Mayor Billy Kenoi. They all have these common traits:

• in times of hardship, they did not give up;
  
• they are positive thinkers;
• they dream BIG; and
• they are very honest with themselves.

I am overcome with positive energy running through my veins and it is completely changing the way I view life. I want to change. I want to dream BIG. And I want to fail in order to succeed.

On this path to success, I decided that I need to find out first what my passions are. Because I work best with little assignments and deadlines, my so-supportive hubby (who knows what he is doing in life) is giving me a daily assignment: "find something you like, explore what it is you like about it (think and feel), and then share it" with him at the end of each week. And that is exactly what I plan to do. At the end of everyday I will publish a post on my progress to finding my passions -- even it be the littlest passion such as cleaning my desk.

My ultimate personal goal from doing this activity is not only to find my passions but to develop more self-confidence and a mind of my own.

Let the search begin!