Day 17 - NO EXCUSES

Discover

Relating to the last post on internal noise, it's been brought to my attention that I am making SO MANY lame excuses for myself to not do what I want to do!  I am reminded of how I love to sew and I make the excuse that no store with fine fabric exists in our little town, or that there are so many things on and around the sewing machine (aka laziness to move those items).  I am reminded that I do not need fine fabric to work with in order to practice.

Explore (Think and Feel)

Excuses.  What a dreadful born idea.  Excuses is the start of the "lazy bug" and the reason for my internal noise.  I think excuses are definitely what's been holding me back from doing things I have an interest in.  If I have a true interest in something, I would make an excuse not to do it or even just not do anything about it.  I think it's a learned behavior from my parents as I was growing up.  Whenever I saw something fun that I wanted to participate in, my parents would always say "NO" and the fun would get shot down.  I am getting tired of this and would really like to trudge forward!  How will I move forward?  I have to be strong and stay on top of myself -- STOP making these lame excuses.

Share (Thoughts)

So how will I stop making excuses?  Start thinking of the benefits I will reap from doing the actual activity or activities I want to do.  THEN I will get somewhere.

Having no time to do something is one of the hardest excuses to get through, especially if I Literally Have No Time!  What to do about that?  My husband tells me that with just 10 minutes at a time, I can squeeze in something I want to do on that day.  And he's right.  Persistence and practice is another key issue that fits into this equation.

I've been wanting to get some exercise for the longest time so today if the weather is nice, I will take a walk around the neighborhood for 30 mins.  If it rains, I will have my own aerobic session at home with the Stayball and my weights.  NO EXCUSES.

Day 16 - Internal Noise

Discover

What makes every little flame of interest die?  I feel like I'm living in a prison.  I am confused and don't know what to think.  I want to find a passion but often every little flame that gets started just passes right through me and dies.  I don't know where to direct my energies anymore.  So what is causing this?  The one thing I can think of is the internal noise within myself -- that little voice that tells me "he's better than me" or "do I really like doing this?"  Those little things hold me back.

Explore (Think and Feel)

I find it very frustrating and annoying that I am not getting anywhere with this passion thing.  Sometimes I feel like I'm running around in circles just trying to understand where I fit in all this!  When that little negative voice in me says "he's better than me," I need to turn on my positive thinking, rearrange the words to "God's given him that talent, what is mine?"  Then jealousy slowly disappears.  I often forget that I should be in competition with myself instead of someone else if I want to improve on any one thing.

Share (Thoughts)

Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy... like I've given my brain to someone else and all I have left is an empty skull.  Trying to build a better foundation on top of a crumbled demolished foundation is just too hard to handle.  But I cannot give up.  I have to be strong and push through it while trying to keep my sanity.  I wonder, will I ever know what it feels like to have a passion constantly running through me?