Thursday, April 2

Day 16 - Internal Noise

Discover

What makes every little flame of interest die?  I feel like I'm living in a prison.  I am confused and don't know what to think.  I want to find a passion but often every little flame that gets started just passes right through me and dies.  I don't know where to direct my energies anymore.  So what is causing this?  The one thing I can think of is the internal noise within myself -- that little voice that tells me "he's better than me" or "do I really like doing this?"  Those little things hold me back.

Explore (Think and Feel)

I find it very frustrating and annoying that I am not getting anywhere with this passion thing.  Sometimes I feel like I'm running around in circles just trying to understand where I fit in all this!  When that little negative voice in me says "he's better than me," I need to turn on my positive thinking, rearrange the words to "God's given him that talent, what is mine?"  Then jealousy slowly disappears.  I often forget that I should be in competition with myself instead of someone else if I want to improve on any one thing.

Share (Thoughts)

Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy... like I've given my brain to someone else and all I have left is an empty skull.  Trying to build a better foundation on top of a crumbled demolished foundation is just too hard to handle.  But I cannot give up.  I have to be strong and push through it while trying to keep my sanity.  I wonder, will I ever know what it feels like to have a passion constantly running through me?

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